What’s the worst thing in the world to some people? Admitting that they are WRONG about something. Yours truly has been a victim of this on several occasions! Why is this such a bad thing? The first thing that comes to mind is that being wrong is a sign of weakness, that you’re weak and submissive. And, if you’re weak and submissive, then you’re not a worthy person. The downward spiral of self-esteem continues, and we feel the urge to defend ourselves, disputing the other person’s claim. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! I KNOW I am right about this!”
In that moment, our adrenaline begins to flow, and our blood pressure increases, as if we were preparing to run for our lives from some savage beast in the wilderness! Our opponent senses the anger and tension, only to fuel it further by rebuking our statement yet again, and supplies more evidence…evidence that we feel appears to make us weak and vulnerable. We fire back yet again, and the process continues until someone is hurt, either mentally, or in some cases, physically.
I’ve essentially described how wars are started. The ego is bruised, and we feel a need to stand up for ourselves, no matter the cost. Someone whom we called a good friend just minutes ago is now an unforgiveable nemesis. For what? Telling me that I have not done something correctly, or there’s a better way to do it. In those “helpful” words, was a non-verbal communication that only I read. It implied, “I don’t think that you’re capable of doing this; you’re an idiot. Step out of the way, and let someone who knows what to do handle this.” Those words never came out of your mouth, not ever. You probably don’t even realize I had those thoughts; not until I opened my mouth and reacted as if you actually had said them.
The fuse has been lit to the powder keg, and it burns down to the end, until the inevitable explosion. Feelings are hurt, lines are drawn, and communication is severely impaired. Each word said thereafter is loaded with our feelings, disguised as anger or even hatred. “I know what I’m doing, and I don’t need your help,” really means, “I can’t believe you would suggest that. I am hurt and insulted.” Each thing said has a deeper hidden meaning that doesn’t always come out in our words. That final word or insult is simply saying, “OK, I’ve fought enough, and now I’m going to hit you one last time as I crawl away. I don’t want to appear weak in this situation, for it would mean my untimely demise.” Instead of trying to see that, we only see the attack at face value, furthering our disdain for the other person. Ultimately we were both wrong. Why?
Because we failed to see the other’s point of view. When our friend wanted to step in because he felt we weren’t doing something the way he wanted us to, that may not have been the best action. On the other hand, when we responded in a defensive manner, that may not have been the best action either. Our own selfish beliefs keep us from giving someone else’s point of view a fair chance. If it challenges our conventional ways of thinking, or is uncomfortable, our first instinct is to rebel or fight it off. Today, we have many wonderful things, all the result of someone taking the time to see things from a different point of view… Simply by admitting they were wrong.