Someone told me that they are a good listener. I believed them, and so I started a conversation with them, and before I’m even halfway through the first sentence, they cut me off to begin their own diatribe. OK. I get it. You’re trying to relate to what I’m saying. I appreciate that; however, I would have appreciated it much more had you waited until I was finished speaking. Yes, I know you’re anxious because someone seems to have the same view as you on some issue that really pushes your buttons. It overtakes you, causing a chain reaction of events to occur.
First, a light bulb goes off in your mind, and you have an AHA moment. Second, your ears turn off completely. Lastly, your mouth opens, and a stream of partially-coherent thoughts start to emanate from it. It’s only halfway through what you’re saying that you realize that you have indeed cut me off in the middle of my own diatribe. You apologize sheepishly, and do your best to save face. By then, the impact of what I was saying is lost, and so is the moment. What seemed so appropriate and powerful five seconds ago, is now yesterday’s news, languishing at the wayside of incomplete thoughts.
I accept your apology, yet I’m seething inside. Why? Because I’m angry that you didn’t allow me to finish what I was trying to convey, after you proclaimed to be a so-called “good listener.” Yes, you may be a good listener, but on your terms, and no one else’s. You don’t take into consideration that others might have something to say. OK, maybe you do, but you don’t realize what you are doing. You’re taking the floor away from someone else who is in need of it at the moment, only to satisfy your selfish desires. I’m not saying it’s deliberate, nevertheless it is happening, and it’s an important issue to address if you wish to communicate better with others. It’s called taking turns, and it’s becoming rare these days.
Blame it on the media, with their “talking heads” shows, where people seemingly debate the issues of the day, not allowing each other to finish a sentence, as if it were some kind of power play. “Ha! I don’t agree with what you say, so I’ll just cut you off before you even get to what I THINK you’re going to say!” Of course, we know what this leads to; more of the same, and eventually a screaming match ensues. A prime example of this would be during a show on CNBC in which a caller started criticizing Jim Cramer (during another program.) Hearing this, Cramer rushes onto the stage, tearing into the caller, not even letting him finish what he has to say. What results is two people screaming at each other, and nothing more. Amusing you say? Maybe for the first 30 seconds!
The next time you are involved in a conversation, give the other person a chance to finish first. Then interact as you must. Effective communication requires it. Take a breath if you have to!
Bonus: If you take the time to listen to someone, odds are they will hear you out much better in return, maybe even agree with you!