December 24, 2012
It's Christmas Eve, and I'm sitting here with Danny. He's not doing so well at the moment. Let me rephrase that; he's doing better than he was a few nights ago. On Saturday, he was complaining about having a headache. "It just won't go a way," he said. "No matter what I do, it just lingers. And I have to go play like this?" It turns out it got worse as the time went on. He took some acetaminophen and that helped with the headache. Here's how he explained it to me.
"By about 11:00 PM, I had chills, I was nauseous, and I felt extremely weak. To top it off, I was sweating profusely in a smokey bar. I stepped outside to catch a breath of fresh air around 11:30 PM, and felt some relief. For fear of catching pneumonia, I didn't stay out there too long, maybe 10 minutes at the most, and I returned inside. The headache was gone, but was replaced with post-nasal drip, which told me my sinuses were in overdrive, and a persistent cough, which told me that a chest cold was on its way. The chills were getting worse by the minute, and no amount of heat could make me feel warm."
Around midnight, I felt gravely ill, but was able to have enough energy to finish the gig, tear down, and load up. Eric (the drummer,) was apparently experiencing the same symptoms I was. I could only hope that he wasn't feeling exactly the same as I was. Even though I felt like death warmed over, I stayed behind to help Eric find the keys to his car. Thankfully, he was able to find them. I headed home, stopping at the local drug store to get some cold and flu meds, some soda, and a few other things. By the time I got home, it was around 3:00 AM. I was so weak, I was unable to bring in all of my gear, and I sat on the couch for a few hours before finally getting up to get a shower. That was around 5:00 AM. I took a very hot shower for about 30 minutes, took my cold meds and passed out in my bed around 6:00 AM."
I was sleeping when he came in. He looked pale and very run down, even at first glance in my half-conscious state. I helped him as much as I could. I prepared the vaporizer with fresh water, salt, and steam liquid. I boiled a pot of water on the stove to restore at least some humidity to the dry air. I found his thick insulated socks, his favorite hoodie, and sweat pants. I went outside and brought in the rest of the gear that he didn't on the first trip. I also opened up a can of chicken noodle soup, dumped it into the pot, and started it cooking. By the time Danny got out of the shower, everything was ready and waiting for him. He greeted me with a weak smile, and gave me a hug.
"Thanks, buddy," he said. "I don't know what I'd do without you." I replied, "You'd get by without me. But surviving isn't living." He nodded, sat down and ate his soup slowly. the color started to come back to his face, " I don't know what this thing is, Art, but it's kicking my butt hard. It's possibly a 24-hour flu bug, I don't know." He shook his head in disgust." "Don't worry about a thing," I said. I will take care of everything, until you are better. Right now, you need to get as much rest as you can. You need to take care of YOU."
"How do you mean?" he retorted, feeling somewhat defensive, "I HAVE been taking care of myself. I felt better than I have in a very, very long time!" I paused, looking him straight in the eyes for a few seconds. "Really? When was the last time you meditated? Or how long has it been since you have been on that bicycle? It's on the trainer, waiting for you. I know you've been trying to eat healthier, but I see some junk food slip in from time to time, and who knows what you eat when you are away from home." I stopped again, trying to avoid sounding like I was giving yet another lecture that he didn't want to hear. "Yes, it sucks when we get sick. No one likes the feelings that we get when we are "under the weather." Big Guy has a saying that has stayed with me since the early days. Do you know what it is?" "No. No I don't," he replied.
"Everything happens for a reason. It really does," I continued. "You may be sitting there, hating that you have a runny nose, your head is spinning around, and you feel you can't get warm enough, but it is indeed happening for a reason. That reason just might be that you need to take better care of yourself, Danny. Now you can get the rest you need, and take the time to do the things that will help you. Consider this...a gift." He shot me a look of disbelief, and said, "Are you serious? A gift? How can that be? How is suffering a gift? Man, I've heard you tell me some whoppers before, Arthur, but this one really takes the cake."
I gathered my thoughts, and spoke. "It's like this, Danny. Right now, what are you doing? Are you focusing on the symptoms that are causing you to feel the way you do, or are you focusing on the fact that you can devote your time to self-care?" "Well, at this very moment, I'm focusing on the former. I am not enjoying this one little bit." I tried to be as empathetic as I could, yet still drive my point home. "The gift is there, if you so choose to see it. This moment in time is a not-so-gentle reminder that you need to stay on track with your "inner work." Your body did the best it could at the time, and wore itself down in the process. It's crucial that you take this time to do the things that you need to do the most, including the stuff you referred to on facebook. I know there's more to that, but we won't go into it right now." He nodded and I saw the wheels starting to turn in his mind. Not a word was spoken for three minutes.
Finally, it hit him. A look of "Oh, I get it," flashed across his face. "The symptoms are there to make sure I don't do anything that the body can't handle, right?" I nodded in affirmation. "Because my body is so susceptible to illness, I have no choice but to take care of it. This is the reminder. This is the gift!" I nodded again. "Now you're getting it!" I exclaimed. He spoke apologetically. "You know, Art, you're right. It has been a while since I've done anything that remotely resembled self-care. It's much too easy for me to put it off after I feel "good," again. I take my body for granted, and expect it to perform the feats that it does, no matter what. Eventually, I reach a threshold, and that's when I have to take care of myself."
"Very good, young padawan," I said jokingly. "The process will continue to happen, over and over again, unless you take the steps to keep it from happening. Remember, treating the symptoms isn't the answer to curing the ailment. That only provides temporary relief; it only touches the surface of the problem." He nodded in agreement, "You know, someone made the joke that I would be visited by the three Christmas spirits, after I said those two famous words...." "Bah, humbug," I finished the sentence for him. "Look, I know you're not feeling in the spirit this year, but avoiding it is not the answer either. We didn't put up the tree this year. That makes two Christmases in a row that we haven't done that."
"I know, Art," he said. "It's just that this time of year is always tough for me. I don't have such great memories of the Holidays for the most part. Oh, there are little bits and pieces here and there, but most of them consist of me being sent to my room for acting up, or storming out of the house because everyone else woke up before I did and celebrated without me. Oh, sure I got just about all the things I asked for, but they were just things. I never knew if they were given out of love, or just given as bribery to shut me up. It's those moments that leave a numbness within my heart. It's habitual for me to look at the past as a reference to how my Holidays turn out. I know it's not the right thing to do, but it's what I've always done; it's a habit. Without you and Oscar, I have very little in the way of remembering the positive aspects of them. I am grateful for you being in my life."
He continued, "Maybe, just maybe this cold or flu thing is like the Christmas spirits themselves, designed to teach me what life is really all about. I'll admit, I fall short in several aspects of it, so I'm willing to learn and grow, as you have witnessed. This thing will take however long it takes to course through my body. In the mean time, I will do my best to take care of my self as best as I can, and not to take it for granted even when I do feel much better. I may even have to miss Christmas with my family this year, but if that's what it takes, then so be it. I can always stop by when I feel up to it." I nodded in agreement.
Today, he is feeling much better, but still heavily congested, weak, and feeling chills. Perhaps now that he's gotten the message, it might not take as long for it to work through his system. For all I know, he could wake up tomorrow, feeling almost 100%, ready to go make the usual Holiday rounds. If he's feeling better, then....
Hey, you know what? I'm starting to feel not so good.....
Anyway, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!