Well, it’s finally happened; I couldn’t think of a topic for the Mini Rant! A case of the dreaded Writer’s Block has set in. I feel that I’ve covered so many topics in such a short time that I’ve got nothing to write at the moment. The best plan of attack for me is to have fun with that fact alone, perhaps even picking that apart to inspect it even closer? Sure, let’s go ahead and do that! It will pass the time, and it just might lead to something for next week!
I’ve discussed my personal life, the trials and tribulations of it through and through. I’ve also talked about news events, the weather, spirituality, and the traits of so many people that we witness every day. I’ve analyzed minor and major annoyances, such as ordering at the drive-through. I’ve talked about technology and the impact it has on our lives, and I’ve even touched a bit on sports; something I don’t know too much about. Regardless, I’ve been able to take these things and make a 3 to 4 minute editorial based on them. If I remember correctly, this will be the 19th one that I’ve created.
Apparently, I’ve reached some limitations. Why is that you ask? Admittedly, my life is still pretty solitary for the most part, especially during the day when just about everyone else in the world is working or going about their daily tasks. I spend inordinate amounts of time indoors, purely out of habit. There was a time when I truly was in a funk, and the darkness dominated my world, but these days, such is not the case.
It’s similar to the prisoner who is free to go, yet he sits in the prison, because he knows no other life. Even though he hates his life, it’s the only one that he knows, and so he does whatever it takes to remain in the familiar territory, including getting arrested yet again after he’s “on the outside.” For the longest time, I felt that I couldn’t leave my home for extended periods, and when I did, I always felt that I had to come back as soon as possible. Something was drawing me back time and time again.
It’s only in recent years that I’ve discovered what it was; decades of habitual thinking and behaviors that defined the boundaries of my life. They were things like: constant obsessive thoughts of dread, negativity, fear, and a lack of confidence. Encountering these feelings and experiences, I took them to heart, rather than learning the lesson contained within them, allowing the failure to grasp it to define my very existence. I made a mistake in a relationship, and so I am just bad with relationships. Because I’m not good with them, maybe I’d better just not even try at all, right? See where I’m going with this?
That’s right! I wasn’t giving myself a chance at ANYTHING! All I knew to do was to marinate in the unexpected result; the failure, disappointment, and most of all, the fear. My rule was this; if I can’t do something right away, I’m not good at it, nor will I ever be. This is why I stuck with music for so many years; it came natural to me. I could hear a song and pick it up pretty fast on my own. To be fair, of course I made mistakes, yet for some reason, it never bothered me. I felt safe with a guitar in my hands. Take it away, and I’m nobody.
Don’t live your life dominated by fear; not giving yourself a chance to be human is not allowing yourself to live LIFE.