If you know me, you see that lately, I’ve been adapting to a much more positive view of life. I do the best I can to see the brighter and lighter side of things. I strive to find the small joys in every day that I am alive, and share them with others. I do my best to spread positivity around wherever I go, like a modern day Johnny Appleseed, planting the seeds of happiness, awareness, gratitude, and love. So far, things have been quite good, and I continue to look forward to each day as it passes by me. But…
(There’s always a BUT, isn’t there?) Beneath all of it is someone who is still struggling…struggling to hold on to old ways of thinking, habits, and behaviors. I am someone who is still grappling with the demons of years past. I struggle with the urge to get angry with others when they don’t seem to understand what I’m saying. “It’s so simple! If I can do it, ANYONE can!” At least, so I tell myself. “All you have to do is wake up and see the Truth!” I reply, and in return I get, “What is truth?”
Once I found out what worked for me, I thought that by dropping “kindness bombs” on social networking sites that I belong to, and on my radio show, I would be able to help people “see the light.” Because they were my friends, I thought that they would immediately “get it,” and change THEIR ways! Of course, it doesn’t work that way, and people always rebel against what is forced upon them. At first, I thought, “What the hell is wrong with them? Why don’t they see?” What I failed to see is that I was still struggling with my emotions, habits, and behaviors.
I used to complain about what was wrong with everything, going on rants founded in fear and uncertainty. I talked about my dissatisfaction with the government, politics, the media, and people I thought to be foolish in general. Yes, there was a brief period upon beginning anew that everything seemed so simple, and I had more clarity than I’d ever had in my life. I was able to drop all that baggage and see everything for what it was…from a distance. Once I came closer, the feelings of the world fell upon me, and I felt as if I was assaulted by the words of chronic complainers and the stench of negativity began to surround me.
For a while, it seemed that with every negative word I would see or hear, I would counter-attack with something that appeared to be positive, loaded with seething resentment. I started to put myself above everyone else, looking down upon them, damning and condemning them and their ways. “Wake up!” I would exclaim, “Take a look around you!” I was hiding my disdain for the world in my self-righteousness, similar to the ways of a fire-and-brimstone preacher.
I struggled with the fact that no matter how hard you try to impress your well-intentioned beliefs upon someone, they may reject what you believe, and there is nothing you or I can do about it. This really hurts most when it comes from close friends or family. The best we can do is to accept the rejection and move on, staying true to what we believe. What have I learned? We can pepper our path with good intentions all we want; however, if they are “loaded,” we are just as guilty as those we are condemning.